The illusion of fear or how to overcome the fear of rejection

January 10, 2013


fear of rejection The illusion of fear or how to overcome the fear of rejectionA person working on self-development, always has obstacles. The most difficult of them is fear. Do you want to start your business, but do not know anything about marketing, management, and finance? Or do you want to seduce the “Miss Universe”, but she is from Venezuela, and you have no her address or even a page in the Facebook or no money for a ticket. A successful person differs from the others by his ability to overcome these obstacles. When you learn to win, you will make a huge step forward in your life. And this article will help you to overcome the fear of rejection, the fear to communicate with girls.

What is the fear of rejection?

You probably had a situation when you wanted to get acquainted with a beautiful smart girl passing by, you could probably had a short dream of dating with her and then staying with her somewhere alone kiss and tender her. But the lady passes by leaving you with unfriendly lonely feeling.
Or you’re sitting in a pub with a company, having a drink, hanging out quite fine, when suddenly you see a cute smiling girl, your eyes meet, you feel you both like each other but you make not a step to continue this short attraction and your evening is accompanied by a very unpleasant feeling which you try to kill with the help of alcohol.

And of course it happened occasionally when having a date or in any other situation you did limit your desires? You found it difficult to hold her hand or kiss her being afraid to be unsuccessful. Restraining the desire you wondered whether that was not too early to touch or to kiss her. In this case trying not to lose the man already lost.

I conducted some personal research on the subject and found out the following. At the stage of’ candy flower ‘period the man restrains his desires for about 80 times. He tries to be a gentleman believing he is a good boy the lady will finally make love with him. But a two hour date is too long to pretend someone so the man is tired himself and the lady having a sixth sense feels the man isn’t genuine carefree and lovely but hard and uninteresting to be with so she loses her interest and the man loses success.

The man is sure this behavior is right as he is well educated and wants serious relations with the girl so he believes he must behave in such a way as to be appreciated and liked by any means.

But in fact, my experience is that almost 100% restraining of the desires are directly related to the fear. This is how they appear when talking to women.

There are two types of fear: useful and useless fears

Useful fears help us to survive in an emergency situation. Jump away from a passing car, run away from a wild animal or to escape from the crowd of hooligans. So this fear is survival and there is no need to struggle with this type of fear. In romantic relationships the fear is useless not taking into account the situation when the girl’s boyfriend is jealous of you and tries to hit you with his fist. In all other cases, communication with women is just fears of the second type (useless).

Useless fears include discomfort, which allows us to stay in the area of psychological comfort not letting us change. Society has had fears from the beginning of its existence. And people suffer from so called social programming. Family, mentality, environment, media are the main factors to form our behavior, either intentionally, or accidently.

When kids we obey the social programming and when grownups we are used to behavioral strategies and follow them without thinking. The same is with the relationships with women, having a habit we fear to change the comfortable strategy.

If you have a strong negative feeling before the kiss you are at the borders of something that you find usual or not habitual. And your fear is manifested as a signal that you run into some limitations.

Remember if on a date: you must seduce women overcoming fear, and then you will develop yourself as a seducer. If you feel bored seducing women you stopped your self-development, showed weakness and are following your fears again.

In any case, as a practitioner, you will deal with fear regularly. But remember, there is no self development without fear. Defeating it you erase old and useless habits and make more useful ones. But the question what to do with these unpleasant feelings still remains. Now I’ll tell you about methods to cope with stressful situations.

  1. The fear is always both in the head and body. If you feel discomfort, and you have a little time, shift the focus of attention to your breathing. Just focus on the movements of the stomach and count breaths. It’s enough to have between 10 and 30 breaths to reduce anxiety. This method can be used, for example, when the girl is telling something, and you pretend to be listening carefully.
  2. There is a good old-fashioned method; it originates from yoga. Just like the first version, you’ll need a bit of time (1-3 minutes) and your lungs. You begin to breathe with pauses. Inhalation and exhalation are with equal time pauses. For example, breathe in for three seconds, and pause for three seconds, then exhale for three seconds, and pause for 3 seconds, and repeat it all over again. Seconds must be counted inwardly and the starting point could be a comfortable personal inhalation length.
  3. If you have no time the relaxation technique will do. On the one hand, this is a complex technology, but after practice it becomes quite simple. When you’re scared – the body too scary, it tightens. You need to concentrate on the muscle tension areas and relax them. To do this, you need to scan the body and find the muscles that are petrified or frozen. As soon as you manage to do that, just give your muscles a mental command to relax. If that does not work, you can make an easy self-massage for this purpose rub the area until it “softens”. Here is a typical voltage zone: forehead, cheekbones, jaw, neck / throat, back and neck area and hand. We must remember that every person is different and each may
  4. The fear in the head can be removed by so-called pass in the future, when you watch on your home screen, an imaginary film that you’ve done something that scared. Imagine that everything is over, how do you feel now? Are you dead or lost anything? No. On the contrary, you gained a bit of self-esteem and happiness. And it has already happened; the fear was in the past. You can also think of the plans for the week or for a year. This will help to remove the sense of the importance of the situation that caused the discomfort. Excessive importance is the root cause of all human fears, even useful.
  5. You can try fast change of the situation. You should be able to change your activities if needed. For example, you came closer to kiss a girl but she pulled away, and you are strained. Just go to the bathroom and wash, and then come back and sit to another place. If there is such an opportunity do some physical exercising it really works.

These techniques are enough to overcome your fears arising from contact with the girls. Just be prepared not to be afraid of your fear and remember it will definitely come at some stage. Overcome your fear and feel satisfaction. First you are scared to come up and say “Hi,” and then you sweat with excitement before a kiss, some men are even afraid to call a girl. But each time you struggle with yourself the fear will occur less frequently and become less intense. And one day you will realize that everything is ok, a kiss on the first date or sex after three hours’ acquaintance. And you will look back to your fears to smile seeing how ridiculous and absurd they were.

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